


Love

by kandaxxx



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Family Feels, Fluff, Kanda Yuu has Feelings, Love, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kandaxxx/pseuds/kandaxxx
Summary: Kanda finds out he's a father to a toddler. He hates kids. Through her he learns what love truly is.
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I read a short fic on Tumblr somewhere awhile back about Kanda being a dad and the image is too precious for me!! No idea where this takes place in the DGM timeline. It's just a sweet crack fic. Sorry not sorry.

The day had started just as any other missionless day went.

He started his day early, his body waking automatically while the moon was still bright overhead. The man dressed in a comfortable, mandarin-collared top, capris, and slippers. He tied his hair out of his face as he began his walk to the training room.

First he meditated, then he did muscle training, and then he pulled out mugen to practice with that. 

When people began to awaken for the day and began to trickle into the room, he was quick to leave and head to breakfast for some mori soba.

He ate alone, as he always did. He glared at Allen as he wolfed through his enormous mounds of food at inhuman speed.

With breakfast settling in his stomach, he planned to go outside into the forest to train with mugen some more. He had learned the hard way that the training room would be jam packed with people. And Yu Kanda had no interest in interacting with anybody today, if he could help it.

The forest would be quiet, and the weather had seemed quite nice, if he had to guess from the glances he had stolen through windows.

But when he passed through the gate, he found that today would not be a normal day.

Outside was a woman. She was tall and willowy, with hair that fell in pretty waves over her shoulders. He saw that she was holding a small child on her hip and she looked distraught.

You didn't generally find women wandering at the gate. Kanda had his hand on the hilt of his sword and his eyes narrowed.

"I found you." Her voice was breathless, her eyes widening.

She didn't look like she could hurt a fly, much less Kanda. But life with the Order had long since taught him to always be on guard. Kanda snarled. "What do you want?" 

"It's me. Elizabeth." She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, a poor attempt at looking strong. Kanda could see the nervousness in her dark eyes.

Kanda continued to glare. She wasn't familiar, but spoke as though she should have been.

But she was, he realized. His eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to piece together why that was. And then, after a few short moments, it hit him like a ton of bricks.

He and Marie were in Venice, and they had just gathered an Innocence fragment and slain a field of level two akumas. He wouldn't say so aloud, but he was exhausted. And he was miserable; he had been ambushed from behind and had been gravely injured. Marie had saved him. Kanda was furious about it.

They were going to recover at the Inn for the night before heading back to the Order. 

But when Marie retired for the night, Kanda left. He needed a fucking drink.

Drinking had become a hobby of his. Tequila was his preference. He typically drank just enough to quell the never ending noise in his head. To erase the dark images that so badly haunted him.

But that night, for reasons he even couldn't name, he continued to drink, long after the booze had smothered his demons.

Luckily for him, he blacked out early enough to not remember going home with the woman he had met that night. He didn't remember losing his virginity to her that night.

He only remembered waking up in the stranger's bed the next morning. He remembered thanking God for his seal for the first time in his life as it had allowed him to wake up with a clear, painless head. 

He left immediately without a single glance back at the warm body in the bed.

He blinked as the memory washed over him like a tidal wave.

And then for the first time in years, panic settled deep into his bones as he stared at the child hugged close to her. The child with thick brown tresses that fell in waves like that of the woman holding her. The child with eyes that were the color of a summer sky and that were undeniably identical to his own. His heart hammered in his chest as he looked at the woman for a moment before staring at the child once again.

No, it couldn't be. No, there was no way. 

But he blinked his rounded eyes again, and there was still a child that bore a sickening resemblance to him, staring at him with frightened blue eyes.

"You must take her." His head whipped up to look at the woman again. She had been speaking. He hadn't heard her over the buzzing in his ears.

"No." The Exorcist hadn't meant for the word to sound as strained as it did, but his mouth was too dry. 

"I'm sick and don't have much time. I don't have family. I don't want her to be alone." Her eyes glittered as tears raced freely down her puffy cheeks. 

"No." He said, his voice stern this time. He was glad that her tear-blurred eyes couldn't see the way that his hands shook. 

Ignoring Kanda for a moment, he watched as she embraced the child, running her hand over the child's smooth hair as she whispered words he couldn't hear.

She set the child down then. The child hesitantly walked over to Kanda as her mother sobbed and turned away.

His eyes darted back and forth between her and the child as she walked away. "Wait!" He barked out, frantic suddenly. He wanted to chase after her. But his heart thudded loudly when he looked down and saw curious blue eyes staring up at him and his limbs were suddenly heavy and he couldn't move.

She stopped only a step before his legs and held her arms up towards him. "Up?" She asked softly, though it sounded like more of a statement. 

She began to cry when Kanda's body didn't move a muscle. His eyes rounded in panic.

He had no fucking clue how to care for a child. He didn't want to care for a child.

He jolted when he heard the gate open up behind him. He whipped his head around and saw a very confused Lenalee standing there.

"Kanda, who is this?"

He didn't answer. There were no words in his head. The buzzing there was too fucking loud.

When her cries turned to a frightened wail, Lenalee instinctively rushed to her. Lenalee scooped the small child up into her arms and hugged her close while Kanda stared at her in bewilderment.

Lenalee's eyes were wide with some war of confusion and fright as she stared back at Kanda. People didn't just wander to the Order's HQ. Toddlers didn't just wander to the Order's HQ. And Kanda, to the best of her memory, had never looked afraid before. But he looked as though he were terrified of the child.

She turned her head down to the child as she whispered soft reassurances to her. When her gaze was returned, her gasp was audible and Kanda cringed. Lenalee's head whipped up and Kanda realized that she had seen the same thing he had. It was his eyes on that child's face.

Lenalee turned her attention back to the child. She had a lot of questions for her long time friend, and he _was_ going to answer her, no matter how badly she had to twist his arm to get him to do so. But there was a scared child in her arms that needed her attention first. "My name is Lenalee Lee. What's yours?" Her voice was soft and gentle.

"Hana." She murmured softly in between sniffles. Kanda exhaled the breath he hadn't realized that he had been holding as he waited to hear her answer. _Hana_. His heart thumped strangely hearing it. _Hana_.

Kanda followed automatically when the pigtailed Exorcist turned to take the girl inside. He vaguely registered that she was still talking but her voice was garbled in his head.

When he blinked, he realized that they were all in his rooms. He hadn't remembered anything from their walk through the halls.

"Kanda!" His head snapped up at Lenalee's voice. He caught that it was strained with worry and something like exasperation and he frowned. "Say something. Who is she? Why is she here?" Lenalee kept her voice low, but he hadn't missed the dangerous edge to it.

"Her mother is sick and left her with me." His voice was eerily flat, his eyes distant.

Kanda had never, not once in his life, thought about the possibility of having children. His role in life was to kill. He had been designed for killing alone. He was a machine with human skin wrapped around him. Nothing more. If he had thought about it, he would have scoffed at the idea. Of course he didn't want kids. Nobody was even sure if he was physically capable of doing such a thing, his body possibly not human enough for procreation.

But here in front of him sat his child. _Hana._ The name played on repeat like a hymn in his head. 

"Her mother?" Lenalee asked with a frown as she racked her brain, trying to think of who that may have been. She had never seen Kanda with a woman. Not unless it was part of his job as an Exorcist. She knew that she was the closest female to him, and even then, he had kept her as far away as he could. She had heard him in the heat of battle mention "that person" before, but it had always sounded more like a concept than an actual, living human. But Kanda didn't explain, and she'd have been lying if she said she were surprised. Though, she did feel a pang of sympathy for him. Not once had she ever seen him so confused looking. "What are you going to do?"

He shrugged. "Talk to Komui. Have him make arrangements." He tried to make his voice sound dismissive, he really did. But it just came out gravelly. 

Lenalee felt the sudden pressure of rage build from deep within her. Kanda was too dazed to see her coming and she felt her palm connect solidly with his cheek.

He blinked and brought a shaking hand up to touch it gingerly. He knew it wouldn't last very long, but for a few seconds, it stung. He scowled. 

"You can't just get rid of her!" Her voice was a harsh whisper as she glanced at the girl on Kanda's bed to see that she had fallen asleep, the rise and fall of her chest steady.

"Well, I can't keep her here, can I?" Kanda sneered. The slap seemed to have woken him. "I'm an Exorcist, Lena." 

"And a father too, apparently." She hadn't meant to sound so bitter, but it couldn't be helped. The girl was precious and Lenalee's heart bled for her with a sudden ferocity she didn't understand. The fear in those big blue eyes reminded her of the own she had carried in her eyes once. The girl's situation was vastly different than hers had been, but she understood the terror of losing your family and being thrust into a strange new place so suddenly.

She would protect Hana with her life, even if Kanda wouldn't. 

Several weeks had passed and while the girl had been quite vocal about missing her mother, she seemed to be adjusting as best as one could.

Nobody in the Order understood the rules surrounding her presence. Kanda was the first Exorcist to bear a child.

But everybody unanimously fell completely in love with her. There was no way that there was a child on this Earth that was more loved than her. More cherished. More doted on.

Komui played hide and seek with her throughout the Science Division. Lavi read her his favorite fairy tales. Allen got her sticks of Mitarashi Dango whenever she finished her dinners. Krory worked on teaching her how to say more words. Marie carried her around on his wide shoulders. Tiedoll painted with her. Lenalee snuggled with her and tucked her into the small bed that has been added to Kanda's room every night.

Kanda on the other hand, appeared to be terrified of her. He didn't like interacting with people in general. He didn't know how. Children were an even bigger mystery. When Lenalee nagged at him to spend time with the child, he found himself lost for words. He hadn't ever really been around children. He had never been a child himself. Even when his body had been small and life new to him, he had been carrying what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders and it smothered away any semblance of a childhood from his heart. He didn't have a mother or a father. Just a responsibility to carry the power that God's apostles did. He was no more than a soldier built specifically for this Holy war.

It followed him everywhere. It questioned everything he did. It cried every time he turned it away.

He wasn't overtly mean to her the way he was with most others, but did his best to remain indifferent to her presence. He couldn't love her and therefore he wouldn't. While nine years wasn’t a long time of life, it had been long enough for Kanda to know that loving people only led to hurt.

_Alma_. His lips twisted into a sneer as the memories flooded through his brain. He had loved Alma and Alma had died anyways.

No, died wasn't the right word, Kanda thought bitterly. Alma had been brutally murdered by his own hands.

Blood. There had been so much blood. Kanda remembered the way that red liquid had painted everything around him into an ugly image. He remembered the distinct sound of Alma's last breath. He remembered the blood still shooting from his friend as he continued to hack and slice at the still body, the regenerative seal having been long past effective. He remembered how he hadn't been able to stop swinging his heavy limbs until long after Alma's death.

No, he wouldn't love her. He couldn't. 

So, when she would startle awake in the middle of the night, afraid, why did his chest feel warm when she would crawl into his bed and snuggle up against it?

When he heard her laugh at one of Lavi's silly faces, why did his heart do a stutter-step in his chest at the sound?

When he sat in Komui's office next to her, facing members of the Central Agency, listening to them debate over potential uses for her, why was the desire to protect her at all costs so wholly overwhelming?

He sat now in the training dojo, his legs crossed and his eyes closed. Over the years, he had gotten quite good at meditating. He had almost perfected the art of losing himself to a field of lotus flowers and quieting the buzzing in his head. But since Hana's arrival, he hadn't been able to find that peace again.

Hana poked his arm, and his lips twisted into a frown, though he kept his eyes closed.

"What're you doing?" She asked curiously, her small body seated in front of his.

"Meditating."

"Why?"

"Because I like to."

"Why?" His eyebrow twitched at that. She asked that question a lot more than he liked. He sighed as he tried to reign in his annoyance. Tiedoll had already reminded him of how new everything had been to him at his creation, and that Hana was just going through the very same thing. 

"It makes me calm." He opened his eyes, giving up on meditating. He blinked slowly at her and saw that she was grinning. "What?" He asked her.

"Look." She said. When he raised a brow, she grabbed his hand and tugged on it. His face warmed when he realized how small and smooth her hand was over his.

When she stood and continued to pull on his hand, he stood and towered over her.

He tried to get her to let go, but she was stubborn. He knew realistically that he more than possessed the strength to free his hand from her grasp, but something stopped him from doing so. He was helpless as he was forced to follow her.

She led them to their shared room where she let go of his hand and bolted to the desk. She grabbed a paper from atop it and held it out towards him, her grin wide and radiant.

He knelt down and studied the piece of paper. His heart came to a complete stop when he recognized what was on it.

It was a picture so crudely drawn that it was almost indecipherable. Almost. He wished it had been. But it wasn't and his heart began to hammer violently in his chest as he studied it.

It was him. It was a drawing of Kanda. He was smiling. 

She began to frown and shift nervously from foot to foot. He just stared at the picture with wide eyes. Tears formed in her eyes when she thought that he didn't like it.

His arms moved before his brain registered what was happening. He pulled her against his chest, probably a little too hard but when had Yu Kanda ever known gentleness? The paper was pressed between them as he just rested his cheek against the top of her head and held onto her for dear life. Tears glittered in his eyes.

She smiled against his chest. He heard her whisper, "I love you, daddy." Softly as he ran a hand over her smooth hair.

He didn't respond out loud, but he couldn't help but smile. That peace that he tried to obtain when he meditated washed over him in a wave. His head was silent. His heart was full.

He'd protect her with his life.


	2. Family Drabbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just consists of light-hearted drabbles of Kanda dadding. It's time for him to break out the jorts, New Balance sneakers, and some grilling equipment.

Lenalee was standing in his doorway. She had come to take Hana to play with her. There was a thick lump in her throat as tears ran freely down her cheeks as she witnessed Kanda open her heart to the child.

Things had changed drastically after that day, though nobody but Lenalee and Kanda knew why. And thankfully for him, Lenalee was polite enough to keep it to herself.

The swordsman was a constant shadow behind the small child. He had become fiercely protective of her and became fraught with stress whenever he had to be away from her for too long.

On this particular day, Lenalee was out on a mission. That left Kanda to forgo his morning training while he waited for Hana to awaken for the day. When she did, Kanda took her to the baths to clean up for the day. When they were back in his room he dressed her in clean clothing. 

But then he had to do her hair. He wasn't particularly worried about it. Sure, maybe it was Lenalee who styled it everyday, but he wasn't an idiot. After all, he did a perfectly fine job managing his own long hair, thank you very much.

But only moments into the ordeal she was whimpering as he fought the thick tresses of her caramel colored hair with the comb as his only weapon. He furrowed his brows together. His hair was thin and smooth. Hers was not. He had used soap on her hair, like he did in his, so he didn't understand why it was so tangled. Kanda had absolutely no idea that Lenalee didn't use regular soap, that she and everybody else on the planet had stuff specifically to wash their hair.

He was trying to be gentle, but it was hard. Eventually, however, he managed. He sighed. "How do you want it?" He asked, remembering that the pig-tailed exorcist always asked her that question. His eyebrow twitched when he realized that that may have been a bad question to ask since he only knew how to do a ponytail. He figured if she said pig-tails, he'd at least be able to figure that out.

"Like daddy's!" She chimed before giggling loudly, the sound settling straight into his heart.

The answer softened any frustration he may have been feeling. 

He pulled it up with his hand and found he had to comb it into place; his hair was so thin that he never had to do that to himself, his hands had always been enough. As he held her hair with one hand he grabbed the twisted cord from his mouth with his free hand and tied the tail into place.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, she bolted away from him. He watched nervously as she threw herself into Lavi's waiting arms. He heard the redhead laugh as he snuggled the girl.

He briskly ordered himself his soba and ordered her usual orzo drink and biscuits. She had whined until he tried it once. Everything was sickeningly sweet. He had tried to get her to eat soba, but she didn't like it, something that led to many jokes from Lavi and the moyashi about whether or not she could truly be his daughter if she wouldn't live off of soba. He had lunged across the table, armed with mugen, leading to a burst of giggles from his girl. 

He sat down across from Lavi and Allen. Hana was perched in Lavi's lap. Kanda served her her food.

When Kanda and Allen began one of their usual arguments, Hana perked up, her mouth smeared with brown from her drink. "Moshi." She said experimentally, flashing a toothy grin.

Kanda smirked then. "Moyashi." He corrected while nodding at her.

"Moshi!"

"Mo. Ya. Shi." He said it once more, this time emphasizing each syllable to help her out.

"Moyashi!" She shouted suddenly, and when Kanda nodded once more, she clapped and giggled. 

"Don't teach her that, BaKanda!" Allens cried out, glowering at the swordsman. 

“I’ll teach her whatever the fuck I want, sprout.” He glared nigen swords at the white haired exorcist.

“Fuck I want.” Hana copied, earning a small smirk from Kanda.

Lavi snickered and shook his head. Kanda’s sudden love and devotion to the girl warmed his heart. It was absolutely precious. But under no circumstance did that mean that he wasn’t going to torment him for it.

Kanda had taken Hana outside to the garden. She had been bugging him to spend time with Lavi and Allen. As much as it pained him to spend more time than was necessary with his fellow exorcists, he couldn’t say no when she batted her thick lashes over her big blue eyes.

It was a beautiful day out. It was warm with a cool breeze flowing over his skin. The sun was bright overhead. He was sitting underneath a tree, arm extended to rest over a bent knee as he watched her intently.

When they first came out, she had snuggled herself up between Allen and Lavi underneath the tree opposite to her father. The two took turns reading from a book to her. 

He found that unlike himself, his daughter loved reading. Well, looking at pictures, rather. She hadn’t learned to read yet. She liked to stare at the pretty pictures while others read to her. Unbeknownst to anybody else at the Order, upon realizing this, he had snuck into the library late at night and stolen as many fairy tale books as he could to hide in their room and he would read to her quietly every night as she drifted off to sleep.

When he heard her giggle, he looked up and found that she was standing with her back to him. “Play!” She yelled before lightly poking Allen and then running off as fast as she could, her laugh an echo through the air.

Allen and Lavi both stood up and went after her. Kanda watched as the three played tag for a few minutes.

Until she tripped and fell, her bare knee scraping against a rock. He was up and sprinting to her before she could even start wailing.

When he saw the blood pooling on her little knee and the tears racing down her reddened cheeks as she sobbed, his vision went red. “You idiots!” He barked out, pulling mugen from his hip as the other two made it over, the concern heavy in their eyes.

“BaKanda!” Allen shouted back defensively. “It’s a scrape. We’ll get her a band-aid.” He tried to keep his voice dismissive, but his heart broke at the sound of the poor girl’s wails.

“Kanda!” Lavi put his hands up in surrender, not wanting to lose his good eye to a stab wound. He turned his attention back to the girl and Kanda’s attention followed suit.

He dropped mugen unceremoniously as he knelt down and gingerly rested his hand underneath her knee. He ripped off a piece of his shirt from the bottom and pressed it to her knee, trying to be gentle while he applied enough pressure to slow the bleeding.

She sniffled, her wails diminishing to whimpers. “You have to kiss it.” She said suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What? Why?” His eyes rounded as he searched hers for some explanation, causing him to miss the way that the other two were grinning suddenly.

“Tha’s how you make boo-boos better.” She wiped snot from her nose with her hands.

He raised a brow. “A kiss won’t heal a wound.” He had meant it to come out as a statement, but it came out as more of a question. He didn’t know much about human healing as it was vastly different than his own. All he knew was that it was slow. Kanda had never seen the head nurse or any nurse kiss any of their wounds. They always used bandages and salves. He had never heard such a thing before. His brows furrowed together as he racked his brain for some explanation to her strange request.

The girl pouted her lips as tears sprang to the corners of her eyes once more. “Mama always did it. Makes it better.”

It felt like the strangest thing he had ever done. But he couldn’t say no to her. The puppy-dog eyes were bad enough on their own, but it always struck him as harder to deny her when she brought her mother up. It always brought another sadness to her eyes, one that he actually recognized, and then he was a goner. But he did it. He lifted the fabric he had pressed into her wound and gently pressed his lips into the wound.

She giggled when Lavi burst out laughing.

Kanda’s face turned red as a tomato as his head whipped up to glare at the others. Allen was starry-eyed as he had been overwhelmed with how absolutely cute the entire scene was. Lavi was in stitches at seeing the big, bad Yu Kanda, brought to his knees to kiss boo-boos. 

He grabbed at mugen and stuck the sword back to his hip. Hana squealed with delight when Kanda picked her up suddenly. He didn’t carry her often. In all honesty, it had never occurred to him to do so. She had legs. She could walk. But now he held her close with one arm to his hip before storming away from the others, muttering under his breath to himself.

One day, Tiedoll had been in the gardens with the small girl painting. She painted messily with her fingers on the canvas he gave her. He had been planning on painting the gardens that surrounded them, but when a butterfly landed on her nose and her face broke out into a wide grin, he scrapped the idea all together.

He had gifted the painting to Kanda. Upon receiving it, he scoffed. He hadn’t wanted one of the General’s stupid paintings. Art was a waste of time.

Missions had always been easy for Kanda. He was a killing machine. He didn’t miss the Order. He didn’t miss anybody at the Order. He had no problem focusing on the job at hand. He slayed akuma because that was his job. He didn’t care about the well-being of those that he saved. It was simply a job.

But now, he found himself distracted often. He used his golem every second that he could to check in on her at headquarters. 

When he sat on the edge of his bed at the Inn, he held the painting in his hands and stared at it. For the first time ever, the mission was more than just a job. 

It was a way to make the world a safer place for Hana.

He had traveled to the Asian branch with Hana in tow. Zuu Mei Chang had requested him. 

It was a long journey, and at first, the small girl accompanying him had been enthralled. She had never been on a train before. She ran back and forth through the cabins. She jumped onto the seat to stare at the landscape outside the window as they whizzed past it. After some time, however, she grew bored. He had been dozing off when he felt her tugging on his ponytail suddenly. That was a bad habit he hadn’t broken her from yet. His lip twitched.

He bent forward and grabbed the suitcase he had kept nestled at his feet. From it he pulled some scrap paper and crayons. She went to town drawing and coloring until they made it to their destination.

When he walked into the facility with his hand clasped around Hana’s, everybody nearby froze. They all knew better than to gawk at Kanda for any reason, but it couldn’t be helped. Rumors had run rampant about Kanda having a kid, but actually seeing it…? What a sight.

When they made it to Zuu’s chambers, she hid nervously behind her father’s leg as the elderly man stared at her with rounded eyes.

But when he looked at the exorcist’s face again, he couldn’t stop the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes as his grin grew wide. He couldn’t recall a single time that he saw Kanda appear to be genuinely happy and peaceful. But he was now.

Like everything else that was new to her, Hana loved the Asian branch. Especially For. She was so cool looking! And pretty! And she liked to play! Her giggles echoed off the tall walls of the building as she played with her new friend.

Bak was funny, she had decided. He had cried and broken out into hives when he had walked in to see Kanda holding a child, _his_ own child, against his hip. The sweetness, the happiness, it was too much for him.

Zuu cooked a large feast for dinner for everybody, to welcome their newest family member. They all wanted to know everything about her.

She was more than happy to announce that she was three as she held up four fingers, earning a chuckle from Kanda as he pushed one of her fingers down, an action that had everybody tearing up. Her birthday, she had told them confidently, was June fifth. Kanda had blinked at that. He hadn’t thought of asking her that. Something about the fact that it was right before his own made him smile inwardly.

“And what’s your whole name, my child?” Zuu had asked her.

“Hana!” When Zuu prompted her for the rest, she smiled. “Aunt Lee-lee says it’s Hana Gen Kanda.”

The long-haired exorcist raised a brow. He hadn’t known her full name. He frowned. He hadn’t known the first thing about parenting, but he thought he was doing a pretty good job. She was happy and healthy. And he loved her entirely. But he hadn’t even known her date of birth or her full name. He felt guilty, suddenly.

And why did she have that name? He didn’t know much about Elizabeth, but he knew that she lived in Venice. Why had she chosen a Japanese name? And why had she given the girl his surname when she had obviously planned to raise the child on her own.

It was useless to dwell over, he reminded himself. He was never going to have these questions answered.

“Do you know what it means?”

Kanda perked up at that, curious as well. 

“Spring flower.” Zuu answered with a gentle smile.

It made sense, suddenly. She was his spring flower.

Christmas at the Order had always been a large affair that the swordsman had no interest in. If he went to the parties, it was only because Lenalee had dragged him there and each time, he pressed himself back into a corner away from all the bodies and all the noise as he drank himself to sleep.

This year he had no choice. When they entered the cafeteria a few days before the holiday for breakfast and found it to be decorated, Hana was enamored. From what he had gathered, Christmas had always been a small affair spent with her mother. But at the Order, there were so many more people.

He sat with her and Lenalee and helped her make ornaments for the large tree in the center of the room. He obviously wasn’t going to make any of his own, of course, but she had insisted that he at least help. So he used his deft hands to break off pieces of wet clay for her to mold before setting them on the tray. When they came out of the kitchen’s oven, he wound string through them. He lifted her onto his shoulders so she could place them onto the tree.

When she came running out of the kitchen, her shirtfront covered in flour, with Lenalee trailing behind her, he begrudgingly accepted the cookies that she offered. He swallowed two, grimacing at the sickening amount of sugar on his tongue, and forced himself to nod to her.

He, Lenalee, and Marie took her into town to shop for gifts. Not once in his few years on Earth did he buy a single Christmas present. He didn’t understand the point of gifts. His pig-tailed friend had explained the concept of Santa to him, and he knew that he had to buy her something. He was sure that everybody at the Order and their brother would be buying her gifts. There wasn’t a soul that didn’t love her. So he was determined to pick out something that would be from him. 

At a store, when he found the girls to be distracted by some bauble, he stared into a glass case.

“What is it?” Marie asked.

“It’s a pendant.” He kept his voice low. “It’s silver. Shaped like a lotus flower. Small.” He described it to the blind man.

“You should buy it for her.” Marie sounded more certain than Kanda felt.

He frowned. “She won’t like it. She wants toys and candy and books.” And it was impractical. He had seen already that she was extraordinarily prone to breaking things. She was an active toddler. A necklace wasn’t the best idea for a small child.

But something about the piece called to him.

Marie laid a gentle hand on his comrades shoulder before shaking his head. “She’ll like it.” _She’ll like anything that you give her._ He finished to himself, knowing that getting that emotional would only irritate the younger man. The girl’s love for her father was obvious. “And you can buy her more than one gift. Get her a toy as well.” 

Kanda nodded and approached the shopkeeper and used mugen to haggle the price of the pendant down to where he wanted it.

On the night of Christmas Eve, Kanda entered the party in the cafeteria of his own volition, for the first time ever.

Hana didn’t stay by his side for very long. Overwhelmed by all the sights and noises and people, she had taken off like a bat out of Hell to see everything the room had to offer.

When morning came, everybody was packed in the cafeteria once more. The adults had exchanged gifts the night before. Kanda had gotten a painting from Tiedoll of himself with Hana on his shoulders in a frame. Lavi had gotten him books to read to Hana. Lenalee had gotten him a silver lotus charm to hang on the handle of mugen. He caught her smirk. She had been well aware of what he had purchased for the holiday and had gotten it on purpose, so he could have something to match with the necklace he had gotten Hana.

But Hana had only received a few gifts. Everybody had planned it perfectly.

When they got there in the morning, there was a mountain of presents underneath the tree. Kanda’s brow twitched when he realized that every single one was for Hana. There was no way that this would all fit in their room.

She tore through the wrapping paper like a maniac. Komui had made her a stuffed animal puppy that sang lullabies in his voice, something he would destroy immediately. Lenalee had gotten her a few new dresses and some pretty shoes. Lavi and Bookman got her, surprise, books. Tiedoll had bought her her own little art set. Everybody else had gotten her a menagerie of toys and games.

She opened his gifts last, her eyes rounding at the sparkly necklace in the box. “Pretty!” She squealed before launching herself into his waiting arms, leaving everybody in tears. With deft fingers he clasped it at the nape of her neck and she stared down at it against her chest.

The final gift from him was a toy sword. He smirked when she used it immediately to chase after Allen and Lavi.

Apparently he had taught her well.


End file.
